I was as usual too exhausted yesterday, went to bed at 1030pm. The moment I laid on the bed, I received a SMS from H "Dear dear.. nite, miss you" I stared at the SMS blankly, didn't know how to react. I had been trying to keep away from H knowing that I had no will to resist him. I texted back my feeling to say I miss him too. He texted back and asked to meet soon for meal. I could only agree to any of his request. I managed to sleep half an hour later. It wasn't a good sleep and I woke up at 2.30am. Couldn't get myself to sleep again, I wrote some of the articles for this blog till 5am. Sunk myself back to bed trying to force sleep but my mind was just too active. I was in real bad angry mood when I dragged myself out from bed again at around 9am. I tried hard to control the emotion in me. I watched a taiwanese variety trying to deviate my attention. The variety finished at 1130am just in time for me to go for my therapy session.
I reached the therapist's office and saw that the office was not opened. I thought the therapist forgot about the appointment. With some disappointment, I sensed my anger rising. I tried to suppress the negative emotion and called the therapist on the phone. When the phone was ringing, I was released to see the therapist appeared from the lift.
We started updating my recent events and I related to him the explosion of landmine few days ago. I told him that I was reset to zero again or maybe even worst now with some anger in me. I later produced a summary of the major disaster in my life since young and went through with him on all the events. I saw myself getting angry with helplessness. Looking at the events unfolding, we both agreed that there wasn't a time for me to breathe since my "O" level. The therapist understood now better why I was in such a bad state. The therapist started analyzing my situation and we explored about healing plan.
He explained that the past experiences had crunched my soul and spirit. He intended to work on healing the soul and spirit. He explained the procedure how to talk to my 8 year old self inside me trying to dilute the pain incurred during ELE. This would help to strengthen inner energy for self growth. I asked him whether hypnosis would work on me. He thought for a while and started hypnotizing me trying to reduce my fear and panic in me.
After a brief procedure, he asked if I could feel any different. I told him nothing was obvious. He explained the procedure and he tried again. I started to feel a bit calmer. He then asked me to sit on a reclining chair. He first asked me to recite after him to strengthen my own belief. He then did the same hypnosis on me. Next, he started using music therapy. He played healing music to sooth me for a while. He followed by reciting some positive statements to strengthen my inner energy. The whole procedure was about 20 minutes I think. I woke up feeling rather calm. He noted that and he suggested that we would do the procedure more often to heal the soul and spirit at the mean time. At the same time, he also would help me to build a defense system to guard my soul and spirit from further harm. I left the office feeling a bit better than when I was there. I deliberately didn't want to judge the effect of the hypnosis, then I proceeded to gym for my jog and swim.
I met C there and we had a good chat. We joked about the new year eve party at his place later at night. I went jogging to the peak of Mt Faber again before I plunged into the pool for ten laps swim. By the time I finished the gym, I felt bliss started to engulf me. Slowly and increasingly, I felt inner energy has been ignited in me. Not too long later, I felt I was out of depressed mode totally. I didn't know how much I could keep the bliss. I tried some of the procedures myself hoping for more sustained peace.
I went back home and napped for a while before taking dinner. I wrote this blog still with much bliss engulfing me till now. It is really a miracle experience for me and I am trying to leverage on it for full recovery.
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