It was so difficult when my ex finally admitted all the lies and betrayal. History repeated itself again. However, this time was much too serious as C was someone I really cared and wanted to live my life forever with. I was told that a new relationship was the best way to get out of the old one. So, I decided to take the advice since I was too much hurt and lost grip of myself.
Just 2 weeks after I broke off with my ex in Jun 07, I came to know Jo from Trevvy, a 28 year old boy from Malaysia working as a graphic designer in sg. We MSN to understand each other quite a bit before we chatted on the phone. I started traveling to SH quite often then and we chatted every night when I was there. He was detailed, confirming everything he wanted to know from interests, hobbies, views on relationship, characters, behaviours, etc. At the end of the second week of our phone chat, he finally decided that he would quit the guy he was dating in sg for a while and get attached with me. That was fast but I was most delighted as he looked my type on the photo and we could talk. Most importantly, I hoped the theory would work and I could get out of my agony. He had already been looking forward to my returning a week later.
We met after 2.5 weeks of remote communication. I landed in sg on a Friday night, rushed back home, washed and changed, then headed straight to his house, only five minutes drive from my place. He was sitting on a bench at his void deck waiting to receive me. Wow, a young and cute boy. He looked much younger than his age and could easily pass off as a secondary school boy if he was wearing a school uniform. He was shy and didn't dare to look me into my eye while talking the whole night. Although he was at the age of 28, I was happy that he was a boy of principle and he knew exactly what he wanted in his life. The important trait that upset my previous relationship. He was so lovely and I was already been treated like a beloved bf with an delicious chicken soup he specially prepared and an office shirt as a gift. We talked a lot and he even started planning for our future.
So much about the joy in meeting him that night. Though I was completely satisfied in all aspects to take him as my bf, I was secretly and swiftly swept by a turbulence within me. I later realized that it was the rebound love in action. He had a trip the next day with his family to BKK and we agreed to meet again after his turn.
On the day of his departure, I met up with my ex to settle the unsettled issues. My ex was still not prepared to break off at the time. I really loved him so much and I actually still love him as much now. When I was in SH and chatted with Jo the past 3 weeks, I thought I could manage to let go of him already. When I got to meet my ex again, the love between us just ran beyond my control, forgiving all the lies, all the betrayal that were hurting me so much. I wanted to give him opportunity, I found ways to help him realized the seriousness of his course of actions, I tried my means to give him confidence to gain back the relationship. I had exhausted all the means to justify the relationship worthy of a second try. However, my effort was all in vain and I couldn't find a slight point to even convince myself to stay with him further.
Though I was convinced that it's already an impossible for my ex to return, I still couldn't get myself out of the relationship. This state of mine was further muddling with the feeling on Jo. I was ridiculous but I just felt that I was stepping on two boats. I fight day and night hard with the two feelings in me. I was quite exhausted and in a total confused state so I turned cold to Jo, didn't keep close contact with him when he was in BKK. He sensed it in a conversation when he especially called to greet me good night from BKK. He finally managed to confront me on the situation after he returned on the phone. I was not in the state to provide adequate explanation to his query and I just managed to tell him that I needed more time to sort out my problem with my ex. He suddenly threw me a question asking if I love him or my ex more. Wow. what a question at a time like this? I told him frankly that he shouldn't compare at this stage as I had been lovely together with my ex for past 2 years and I just knew him for 3 weeks. I could detect that Jo was quite disappointed but he didn't pursue further. I stopped all communication with Jo thereafter thinking that it wouldn't be fair for me to go along with him like that if I didn't sort out my feeling properly on my ex. The decision was not easy as I had already an realization that I might loss Jo forever.
It was not untill 2 months later that I found myself more firm with my position and feeling. I called Jo a night when I was in SH, thinking that it was time I should explain to him what was going on. He accepted the explanation but thing was too late as expected. He was already attached with a new found bf. He told me that he thought he was not my type. I could only wish him all the best with his new found love. I tried to keep Jo as a friend after that, but I think he was not so keen. After a few efforts, I gave up and left thing to fate.
On love rebound, I missed a boy who might be my life partner.
Just 2 weeks after I broke off with my ex in Jun 07, I came to know Jo from Trevvy, a 28 year old boy from Malaysia working as a graphic designer in sg. We MSN to understand each other quite a bit before we chatted on the phone. I started traveling to SH quite often then and we chatted every night when I was there. He was detailed, confirming everything he wanted to know from interests, hobbies, views on relationship, characters, behaviours, etc. At the end of the second week of our phone chat, he finally decided that he would quit the guy he was dating in sg for a while and get attached with me. That was fast but I was most delighted as he looked my type on the photo and we could talk. Most importantly, I hoped the theory would work and I could get out of my agony. He had already been looking forward to my returning a week later.
We met after 2.5 weeks of remote communication. I landed in sg on a Friday night, rushed back home, washed and changed, then headed straight to his house, only five minutes drive from my place. He was sitting on a bench at his void deck waiting to receive me. Wow, a young and cute boy. He looked much younger than his age and could easily pass off as a secondary school boy if he was wearing a school uniform. He was shy and didn't dare to look me into my eye while talking the whole night. Although he was at the age of 28, I was happy that he was a boy of principle and he knew exactly what he wanted in his life. The important trait that upset my previous relationship. He was so lovely and I was already been treated like a beloved bf with an delicious chicken soup he specially prepared and an office shirt as a gift. We talked a lot and he even started planning for our future.
So much about the joy in meeting him that night. Though I was completely satisfied in all aspects to take him as my bf, I was secretly and swiftly swept by a turbulence within me. I later realized that it was the rebound love in action. He had a trip the next day with his family to BKK and we agreed to meet again after his turn.
On the day of his departure, I met up with my ex to settle the unsettled issues. My ex was still not prepared to break off at the time. I really loved him so much and I actually still love him as much now. When I was in SH and chatted with Jo the past 3 weeks, I thought I could manage to let go of him already. When I got to meet my ex again, the love between us just ran beyond my control, forgiving all the lies, all the betrayal that were hurting me so much. I wanted to give him opportunity, I found ways to help him realized the seriousness of his course of actions, I tried my means to give him confidence to gain back the relationship. I had exhausted all the means to justify the relationship worthy of a second try. However, my effort was all in vain and I couldn't find a slight point to even convince myself to stay with him further.
Though I was convinced that it's already an impossible for my ex to return, I still couldn't get myself out of the relationship. This state of mine was further muddling with the feeling on Jo. I was ridiculous but I just felt that I was stepping on two boats. I fight day and night hard with the two feelings in me. I was quite exhausted and in a total confused state so I turned cold to Jo, didn't keep close contact with him when he was in BKK. He sensed it in a conversation when he especially called to greet me good night from BKK. He finally managed to confront me on the situation after he returned on the phone. I was not in the state to provide adequate explanation to his query and I just managed to tell him that I needed more time to sort out my problem with my ex. He suddenly threw me a question asking if I love him or my ex more. Wow. what a question at a time like this? I told him frankly that he shouldn't compare at this stage as I had been lovely together with my ex for past 2 years and I just knew him for 3 weeks. I could detect that Jo was quite disappointed but he didn't pursue further. I stopped all communication with Jo thereafter thinking that it wouldn't be fair for me to go along with him like that if I didn't sort out my feeling properly on my ex. The decision was not easy as I had already an realization that I might loss Jo forever.
It was not untill 2 months later that I found myself more firm with my position and feeling. I called Jo a night when I was in SH, thinking that it was time I should explain to him what was going on. He accepted the explanation but thing was too late as expected. He was already attached with a new found bf. He told me that he thought he was not my type. I could only wish him all the best with his new found love. I tried to keep Jo as a friend after that, but I think he was not so keen. After a few efforts, I gave up and left thing to fate.
On love rebound, I missed a boy who might be my life partner.
3 comments:
lesson learn: every door has an exit but not every door will open up, not with the right key!
once you had the cake, enjoy it to the max, it gets better and better each day!
I dumped the guy on the second day after he got emotional over his ex and did not take my calls the whole day. I mean I am sorry but although you are gay, you should be a man - man enough to deal with this kind of shit. Call it what you like but you are just being a sentimental and emotional asshole and I am glad Jo did not hook up with you because I think he deserved very very much better!
Mr Anonymous, Thanks for reading and commenting on the blog. I think I can understand how you feel. Cheers.
healingsg
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