I needed much a break away after almost four months of exhausting relationship. I’m not sure if I can even call it a relationship at all. Lies, betrayals, no connection and no communication. I had not in my life been through such a phase dealing with so much lies straight on my face. I was entangled in a relationship that I knew there was no reason to keep but I just couldn’t get myself out of it. I sought help from WL, my best friend in London through phone and I broke down in tears.
Tearing was actually quite remote to me and has always been an enemy of me since the age of 15. I had actually resolved not to shed tear in my life since then after a painful incidence. I didn’t tear even when I lost my beloved grandmother some ten years ago. However, I broke down in tears the second time for the same cause since 15. I really doubted my reason for my persistence to keep the composure over so many years. Be it what it is now, I have no intention to make a change of that resolution.
WL advised me not to make any serious decision since I was so confused. I reconciled with him again before I flew to bkk for the much needed holiday. He was still puzzled why there was a need for me to go bkk then. I went with a colleague for a leisure trip.
My mom told me two days before my departure that my younger sister had been warded in the hospital for stomachache. I noted that and thought of visiting her in the hospital before I left for my trip. However, I didn’t manage to make the time partly because I thought it was a trivial cause and partly because I was busy clearing my work before I left for holiday. I returned five days later and was told that my sister had returned home for recuperation.
The next day I finished and left my work earlier to head for my younger sister’s place at around 4pm. I met my brother-in-law when I reached the gate. He secretly pulled me aside after he sent off some visitors. I was a bit taken aback by his behavior and he suddenly broke me a news that shocked me dumb with fear. My younger sister was diagnosed with liver cancer. My sister was not informed yet and my brother-in-law wanted me to stay till 7pm as the chief doctor-in-charge who was a family friend would be coming to release and explain the diagnosis to my sister.
My sister looked very pale and weak when I met her in her room. She was lying there with some of her friends around her. We were all waiting for the doctor to come. Dr P was really kind and patient. He explained the procedures leading to the diagnosis meticulously to my sister. My sister listened intensively trying to grasp the meaning of the words coming out from him. She looked helpless but calm at first. After she finally understood she was in the final stage of liver cancer without knowing the primary cause, she broke down in tears. She struggled with the very basic question of why it must be her? After a short while, she regained her composure and tried to contain her fear. She told the doctor firmly she wanted to survive and she wanted a treatment.
Tearing was actually quite remote to me and has always been an enemy of me since the age of 15. I had actually resolved not to shed tear in my life since then after a painful incidence. I didn’t tear even when I lost my beloved grandmother some ten years ago. However, I broke down in tears the second time for the same cause since 15. I really doubted my reason for my persistence to keep the composure over so many years. Be it what it is now, I have no intention to make a change of that resolution.
WL advised me not to make any serious decision since I was so confused. I reconciled with him again before I flew to bkk for the much needed holiday. He was still puzzled why there was a need for me to go bkk then. I went with a colleague for a leisure trip.
My mom told me two days before my departure that my younger sister had been warded in the hospital for stomachache. I noted that and thought of visiting her in the hospital before I left for my trip. However, I didn’t manage to make the time partly because I thought it was a trivial cause and partly because I was busy clearing my work before I left for holiday. I returned five days later and was told that my sister had returned home for recuperation.
The next day I finished and left my work earlier to head for my younger sister’s place at around 4pm. I met my brother-in-law when I reached the gate. He secretly pulled me aside after he sent off some visitors. I was a bit taken aback by his behavior and he suddenly broke me a news that shocked me dumb with fear. My younger sister was diagnosed with liver cancer. My sister was not informed yet and my brother-in-law wanted me to stay till 7pm as the chief doctor-in-charge who was a family friend would be coming to release and explain the diagnosis to my sister.
My sister looked very pale and weak when I met her in her room. She was lying there with some of her friends around her. We were all waiting for the doctor to come. Dr P was really kind and patient. He explained the procedures leading to the diagnosis meticulously to my sister. My sister listened intensively trying to grasp the meaning of the words coming out from him. She looked helpless but calm at first. After she finally understood she was in the final stage of liver cancer without knowing the primary cause, she broke down in tears. She struggled with the very basic question of why it must be her? After a short while, she regained her composure and tried to contain her fear. She told the doctor firmly she wanted to survive and she wanted a treatment.
Adenocarcinoma with liver metastases
I didn’t know what it was when the doctor uttered the word, but I had to understand the truth identity of it in order to help my sister to fight for survival. I combed through google fanatically to get a gist and asked my doctor friends for more information. I went to bookshop to comb the books on pathology. The more I knew about the real identity the more I understood the seriousness of my sister’s situation. The CT scan really scared me. Nothing was in order. We visited all the oncologists who were the authority in the area we could find in Singapore. Nothing was good. “To focus on quality of life” was the key I got from all my search.
My sister and brother-in-law chose to deny the fact, for they were too lovely to part with each other. My sister was also worried about her three kids. She prayed to her Lord not too take her away just yet. That was the first time I saw her so helpless and weak in fear. My heart was tearing, but I couldn’t tear.
I had to be the support of my sister and her family. My brother-in-law was totally lost in the game seeing her beloved wife’s suffering. There were three kids in her family to tender too. I had also to take care of my parents and siblings. My father was kept in dark till the very last minutes as we were afraid that he might not be able to take the blow because of his high blood pressure. My mother forced my elder’s sister to tell her the truth when seeing her broke down in tears after I broke the news to her. They were both living with tears from the day onwards. My second sister was also not in good health herself and my youngest brother had his family to take care. I never felt so powerless and alone in my life before.
To put salt on the wound, I found my ex solicited for sex again on the first night of the year 2005 when I had to attend to my sister. I trembled so violently at the time that I had to completely dumb myself, for I knew clearly that I did not have time to care for my own feeling. On the second day of 05, I met my ex for dinner and explained to him that I had no more energy to continue the relationship. We finally ended the whatever relationship that supposed to have been terminated on the very first moment that we met. Certainly no one in my family knew about the double blow that I was getting. I had to still going on with my support for them since it was just the beginning of the fight for my sister. I never in my life knew that I could manipulate myself like a robot.
We decided to break the final result of the examination to my sister after the Christmas in 2004, for we wanted her to celebrate the last Christmas with her family at ease. After the day, we were all geared to fight the impossible with my sister as she decided to go through chemo treatment. The treatment that was both frightening and without high chance. However, my sister decided that she wanted every chance to live, for her beloved husband, children and family. The chemo seemed to do something good at the initial phase of the first two weeks, but the cancer cell just proved too aggressive after that and the doctor had to declare ‘no more treatment’. Both my sister and brother-in-law were completely exhausted after stormed by the verdict. They were suddenly flat and dumb for a time. My brother-in-law was still not prepared to hand away his love yet. He resorted to divine healing. Whatever it was, my sister was getting weaker and weaker each day.
On the day of 31 Jan 05, my sister was finally been called back to the home of her lord.
Wrote on 12 Apr 05
My sister and brother-in-law chose to deny the fact, for they were too lovely to part with each other. My sister was also worried about her three kids. She prayed to her Lord not too take her away just yet. That was the first time I saw her so helpless and weak in fear. My heart was tearing, but I couldn’t tear.
I had to be the support of my sister and her family. My brother-in-law was totally lost in the game seeing her beloved wife’s suffering. There were three kids in her family to tender too. I had also to take care of my parents and siblings. My father was kept in dark till the very last minutes as we were afraid that he might not be able to take the blow because of his high blood pressure. My mother forced my elder’s sister to tell her the truth when seeing her broke down in tears after I broke the news to her. They were both living with tears from the day onwards. My second sister was also not in good health herself and my youngest brother had his family to take care. I never felt so powerless and alone in my life before.
To put salt on the wound, I found my ex solicited for sex again on the first night of the year 2005 when I had to attend to my sister. I trembled so violently at the time that I had to completely dumb myself, for I knew clearly that I did not have time to care for my own feeling. On the second day of 05, I met my ex for dinner and explained to him that I had no more energy to continue the relationship. We finally ended the whatever relationship that supposed to have been terminated on the very first moment that we met. Certainly no one in my family knew about the double blow that I was getting. I had to still going on with my support for them since it was just the beginning of the fight for my sister. I never in my life knew that I could manipulate myself like a robot.
We decided to break the final result of the examination to my sister after the Christmas in 2004, for we wanted her to celebrate the last Christmas with her family at ease. After the day, we were all geared to fight the impossible with my sister as she decided to go through chemo treatment. The treatment that was both frightening and without high chance. However, my sister decided that she wanted every chance to live, for her beloved husband, children and family. The chemo seemed to do something good at the initial phase of the first two weeks, but the cancer cell just proved too aggressive after that and the doctor had to declare ‘no more treatment’. Both my sister and brother-in-law were completely exhausted after stormed by the verdict. They were suddenly flat and dumb for a time. My brother-in-law was still not prepared to hand away his love yet. He resorted to divine healing. Whatever it was, my sister was getting weaker and weaker each day.
On the day of 31 Jan 05, my sister was finally been called back to the home of her lord.
Wrote on 12 Apr 05
No comments:
Post a Comment