Dad effect on work place

It has become clear that my father played a very big part in my life although we have hardly spoken to each other. My relationship with him have never been good since childhood.

Today, I suddenly realized that this effect actually manifested in my work place. I have never in good term with the top boss of the company. I am definitely a very good worker. My appraisals have been very good or excellent since my army day and throughout my worklife. It was a norm to see a full score "5" ticked for my appraisal. I would be surprised if there was a "3" appeared. I worked in overseas, I worked in local SME, I worked in government body, the work place changes but my appraisal has always the same. I don't feel proud of it, but I just feel natural. My good work has always been recognized by my immediate superior. I have always in very good working relationship with my immediate superior. That is the further I go. The problem is I have never in good term with the top boss of the organization. Not in the previous two jobs in the government bodies, not in the overseas job with the MNC, not in the first job with an academic institute.

I have a resolution this year. I want to get back to sg to work. I don't think my situation allows me to stay 3 weeks overseas and 1 week sg as what I have been doing for the past year. I need a job back to sg for me to settle down so that I can heal myself. With my years of experience and level, it is not easy for me to get a job. I came across a position that fitted me from my ex-company website. Hesitated quite a lot, after consulting J, I finally decided to meet my ex-immediate superior about the possibility of going back to work with him.

As expected his main concern was the acceptance of my chairman of me. I was doing quite well in my previous job. The first two years were smooth sailing all along, the final year was miserable because my chairman suddenly lost trust in me. I am not the type of person will like to socialize with the top people. I had no clue on why I was in the situation. I checked many times with my immediate superior and colleague, but none of them knew what was going on. Finally, I had to quit and moved on to another job. My ex-superior was recounting how hard he tried to persuade my chairman to recognize my effort and work, but all was in vain. So he was skeptical about my chairman would take me in again. I was quite depressed after the session with him, though it was still within my expectation. My relationship with my ex-chairman had always been a pain in my heart.

I decided to confront this time. My ex-superior was very nice and he promised to try to talk to my chairman on my behalf about my intention of returning. I saw that he was quite in dilemma. After few sms, I told him that I would write an email to my ex-chairman myself explaining my intention and also most importantly clear the regret in me for a long time. I wrote the email this morning and sent it out to him. I was a bit worry, but it's ok, as I have put in effort to try to make a closure on this issue between my ex-chairman and me.

I finally received his reply a while ago asking me to go back. And he closed the "regret" by writing it was nothing personal to him at that time, just work. I felt happy and released.

I thought a lot yesterday night. Suddenly I realized that my bad relationship with the top person in the company may be a manifestation of my bad relationship with my father. I can't relate to my father who is always acting all mighty and autocratic so as such I can't relate to the top person in the company who is always acting all mighty and autocratic. There must be same pattern there that caused the history repeat and repeat again, though I still don't know what it is about.

This is the question the therapist has to answer.