Time flies, it's already the third year since my sister passed away. I planned to visit her after my interview. However, the interview was canceled last minute and my hope to find a job to be relocated back to sg was shattered completely. I changed my plan and went to swimming to de-stress myself before I visited my sister.
While I was on my way to Choa Chu Kang, H texted me with a mere word "muacks". wow, really don't know how to respond to it. I texted back telling him that he has overestimated my mental strength and underestimated my feeling for him and I asked him what he want me to do? He texted back to say sorry. I return a cool with a smiley. I don't know if I am too harsh on him but it has been very difficult as the feeling for him is just too strong. I can't ask him not to SMS anymore as the last time when I tried, he told me that he was hurt so much but he couldn't do anything because he knew clearly he couldn't give anything. So to the person who I loves so much, how am I to put for a request like this the second time.
Actually, when I met him the last time, I made it clear to him that my feeling for him was so strong that I was suffering from it. I related our meeting to my therapist and I was so sure that he wouldn't contact me again. So I was naturally surprised when I received a sms from him again when I was in SH. I know that he also misses me alot, so I can't do anything but just to respond accordingly. No, I can't say "please don't message me again because I am in pain." I just don't want to hurt the one I love again. I thought I could put up with his sms. But, I was still very much disturbed when I received his sms many a times. How could one bear the pain when you know someone you love is thinking of you but you can't do anything.
Now I am not too sure if this will be our last exchange of messages. But I have to return him to the universe and let the universe settle my fate with him. Yes, I did make a strong wish. A wish that I am hoping very much will come true. At the mean time, I can only hope that he will be safe and happy everyday without me by his side. I can only watch him quietly from afar.
While I was on my way to Choa Chu Kang, H texted me with a mere word "muacks". wow, really don't know how to respond to it. I texted back telling him that he has overestimated my mental strength and underestimated my feeling for him and I asked him what he want me to do? He texted back to say sorry. I return a cool with a smiley. I don't know if I am too harsh on him but it has been very difficult as the feeling for him is just too strong. I can't ask him not to SMS anymore as the last time when I tried, he told me that he was hurt so much but he couldn't do anything because he knew clearly he couldn't give anything. So to the person who I loves so much, how am I to put for a request like this the second time.
Actually, when I met him the last time, I made it clear to him that my feeling for him was so strong that I was suffering from it. I related our meeting to my therapist and I was so sure that he wouldn't contact me again. So I was naturally surprised when I received a sms from him again when I was in SH. I know that he also misses me alot, so I can't do anything but just to respond accordingly. No, I can't say "please don't message me again because I am in pain." I just don't want to hurt the one I love again. I thought I could put up with his sms. But, I was still very much disturbed when I received his sms many a times. How could one bear the pain when you know someone you love is thinking of you but you can't do anything.
Now I am not too sure if this will be our last exchange of messages. But I have to return him to the universe and let the universe settle my fate with him. Yes, I did make a strong wish. A wish that I am hoping very much will come true. At the mean time, I can only hope that he will be safe and happy everyday without me by his side. I can only watch him quietly from afar.
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