Monday, December 10, 2007

Walking on thin ice

After 5 days of torment, I decided to take back my word completely. I decided I shouldn't escape anymore, I decided I should confront the situation "bravely", I decided I should continue seeing my very type, I decided I should try to stay as a friend with my very type.

I SMS and asked for a talk. He was worried that if I was alright. I could do nothing else but to "haha" all the way. I had no intention to burden him with my problem. I explained to him my decision to remain as a friend. He seems happy and our exchanges of SMS go incessant again. We meet, we chat, we laugh, we talk. Everything goes so well except he can't be my bf.

I met Ray last night. Ray is someone I can discuss thing with because of his maturity. He basically summarized my situation :

- H has no loss in either ways. Either stay with his bf or go with me
- I should still stay with H as a friend, but continue to see others
- I have to be self-restraint with my feeling for H
- I have the possibility of getting hurt

I told Ray that it could be difficult. I relayed the story of '杨不悔‘ from 倚天屠龙 to him. I have the character of 杨不悔. It is very difficult to be replaced if I see something I want. I will want it whole-heartedly. H is such a person in my life. I don't think I will be easily divert by others. I am also no confidence that my self-restraint will be in proper operation.

Ray stared at me with eye wide, it is really very wide given that he has quite a big eye, and shouted at me, "You know you will get hurt!!" I was speechless. I just know that this is the decision I made. I made the decision to see H again, I made the decision to try to stay as a friend with H, I made the decision to walk on thin ice.

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