A day before leaving for SH

The job discussion was fruitful I thougth but I had no idea how it would turn out. Happy to meet old colleagues again. One of them was commenting that I looked as happy as before. I think Shifu was right that I should be awarded "the best actor forever". I went for my therapy after the job discussion. Update my current situation. Therapist was worry about my trip to SH tomorrow and asked if I needed a hospitalization leaves to rest at home for a period of time. I told him that I had somehow prepared for it inside me since a few days ago. I didn't feel any resistance or any feeling when I was making arrangement to go back SH this time. Therapist was still worried and asked me about the plan if the mood swing hit again. I told him han had promised to come over and sleep with me if necessary.

We discussed again about my situation and possible healing plan. I told him that I finally thought of a quite workable plan without relationship but not operable. That is to ask wl to take leave to accompany me everyday for a month. I am sure I can go back to normal self with him around. But we recognised that this was not operable as to ask wl to take leave to accompany for a month was just an over-the-board thought. I told him that I had been constantly thinking who at the end would be my saviour to take me out of this episode? Regarding H, therapist thought what I had done was affirmative. I told him that for the sake of H, maybe I should think more about his bf. If H would choose to leave his bf for me, then his bf would be the one who would suffer. I told him that H's bf was the entire opposite of me, I am a nerontic but H's bf is a character disorder. In psychological term, it is easier for nerontic to recover then character disorder if there is a mental disaster. If I am like that, I can't imagine how H's bf will behave. So I told my therapist, maybe I will think more about H's bf in order to force myself out of the situation.

I am now trying to move on without H at the moment in my life and leave to the universe to arrange my fate with H.