Mulfunctional healing plan....

I really tried many ways to get myself up.

- I first tried to stop crying. Declare to myself never cry again till my last day in this world. I believe this develops some kind of discipline in me.
- I then tried reading, focus reading to divert my attention and build my concentration.
- I also tried meditation to get calmness and quietness.
- I talked to many friends this time round rather extensively. I had never in my life tried to solve my problem so extensively.
- I tried to engage help from councellor, psychologist.
- I continued my exercise regime, including jogging, stretching, swimming to maintain my fitness.
- I decided to confront all the things I used to escape/avoid. I thought I needed a different way to manage myself.
- I applied rationale thinking to get hold of myself
- I listened to light music as usual.
- I worked on different things to divert myself.
- I tried to smile, laugh and be happy.
- I tried to write down all my feelings for myself to have a better understanding of my emotion and feeling
- I chanted amitabha buddha many times when I was down.
- I consciously observed my feeling when I was down.

I tried and tried and tried and tried and tried all ways that I could get hold.

I am exhausted and still the same at point zero now.

What did I do wrong?