好久已经没有这样失眠了
大概也只能因为你的关系了
可能你并不知道
在两年前我是已什么样的心情离开的
翻开日记本
08年2月3日那一页还刻画着那时候的痛
匆匆的一瞬间
两年已过了
好长的两年啊！
与你隔离的思念难度日
好短的两年啊！
与你的温存似如昨日
知道你还在为生活而奔波
原谅我不能留在你身边加油
因为我不想任何人受伤害
我只能选择远远的支持着你
当你遇到困难的时候
不要放弃，一定要坚持
因为有一个人会带着对你的爱
默默的为你祷告
祝福你，我的最爱
永远的幸福
永远的快乐
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
A Friend Not Wanted
K had a huge collection of MP3 from a friend's aunt. I had been eying the collection for long and told him repeatedly I would go over his house to duplicate them. K complained about TS alienating him for quite a while. Taking the opportunity, I invited TS to join us for dinner on the day I arranged to go K's house to duplicate the MP3. I hoped both could make up with this dinner.
We met in a coffee shop near K's house for dinner. While I was talking to TS, K appeared with another friend A. We dined and joked during the dinner, then proceeded to K's house after the dinner. I was eager to lay my hand on the MP3 as I had been longed for the collection. Bringing out my mobile hard disk, I headed directly to the machine. K sat in the same room with TS chatting and A went to the other room for reading. As the collection was arranged in i-tune format that we were not familiar. We first exchanged the method of duplicating the MP3 to my mobile hard disk. I could sense that K was a bit worry about I might mess out his collection and didn't want me to do anything to alter his configuration. I had no choice but only to do the tedious way of duplication.
While I was thinking and trying to figure out the most efficient way of copying, K suddenly told me that A wanted to use the computer and asked me to give way to A. I was puzzled and told him that I thought I made this arrangement long before to copy the MP3. He answered back quite rudely and sarcastically saying that A needed the computer for his work urgently and it's more important for A to use the computer. I could not be happy but I kept my silence and tried to figure out a method to copy what I wanted in the shortest time. It was not an easy task as there was about 60G of data to filter and duplicate. K wasn't happy too I guessed, he pushed me again with his impatient voice to give way to A after about 5 mins. I was agitated but I couldn't do anything as I was only a guest in his house and I wasn't the owner of the computer. I told him I needed another 15 mins to at least round off what I had been doing. While I was trying to tidy up fast what I had been doing, the cynical voice of K again hovering through demanding me to just leave my hard disk there for copying and quickly gave the machine to A. I immediately terminated what I had been doing and packed up my hard disk. I went to the next room and informed A that he could have the computer now. A was a bit surprised and told me not to worry and proceed to use the computer if I wanted. I told him that I should give way to his urgent work. A replied that it was not work and nothing urgent. He just wanted to read his personal emails. I was a bit shocked with the truth, but I still kept my silence. I left the house after A took over the computer.
I had known K for more than 10 years. It was just him that would do such thing. This was not the first time K took our friendship for granted, but this was definitely the last straw that I could take. Normally if a friendship turns sour like this, I will just let it be and keep silence. Besides WL, I hardly will tell anyone the detail. I just see no point heralding a failed friendship. And there is always a possibility of "hurting someone" by doing that. So I would try to avoid the topic of K when someone asked about him. Actually, TS called me not long after I left K's place. TS was the only witness of the whole saga. He called trying to see if I was angry and upset. As my usual self, I didn't want to talk about it. I just tried to deviate from the topic and ended our conversation. I don't even mention anything to TS till now even though we are very close friend. With the same principle, I avoided the topic of K with quite a few mutual friends till now. I normally just like to let the person disappear from my life if the relationship doesn't work out. I don't like to lead a quarrelsome life.
However I avoided the topic, related query still find its way to me. J asked me two days ago what happened between K and me. As my usual self, I didn't want to reveal anything. He told me that he heard from a friend about my fall off with K. K told the friend that "I touched his computer and he asked me not to, then I got angry with him pettily".
Wow.... I was speechless. I can never understand why someone can take a friend of more than ten years for granted till such an extend.
This again is a solid validation of my moto!!
We met in a coffee shop near K's house for dinner. While I was talking to TS, K appeared with another friend A. We dined and joked during the dinner, then proceeded to K's house after the dinner. I was eager to lay my hand on the MP3 as I had been longed for the collection. Bringing out my mobile hard disk, I headed directly to the machine. K sat in the same room with TS chatting and A went to the other room for reading. As the collection was arranged in i-tune format that we were not familiar. We first exchanged the method of duplicating the MP3 to my mobile hard disk. I could sense that K was a bit worry about I might mess out his collection and didn't want me to do anything to alter his configuration. I had no choice but only to do the tedious way of duplication.
While I was thinking and trying to figure out the most efficient way of copying, K suddenly told me that A wanted to use the computer and asked me to give way to A. I was puzzled and told him that I thought I made this arrangement long before to copy the MP3. He answered back quite rudely and sarcastically saying that A needed the computer for his work urgently and it's more important for A to use the computer. I could not be happy but I kept my silence and tried to figure out a method to copy what I wanted in the shortest time. It was not an easy task as there was about 60G of data to filter and duplicate. K wasn't happy too I guessed, he pushed me again with his impatient voice to give way to A after about 5 mins. I was agitated but I couldn't do anything as I was only a guest in his house and I wasn't the owner of the computer. I told him I needed another 15 mins to at least round off what I had been doing. While I was trying to tidy up fast what I had been doing, the cynical voice of K again hovering through demanding me to just leave my hard disk there for copying and quickly gave the machine to A. I immediately terminated what I had been doing and packed up my hard disk. I went to the next room and informed A that he could have the computer now. A was a bit surprised and told me not to worry and proceed to use the computer if I wanted. I told him that I should give way to his urgent work. A replied that it was not work and nothing urgent. He just wanted to read his personal emails. I was a bit shocked with the truth, but I still kept my silence. I left the house after A took over the computer.
I had known K for more than 10 years. It was just him that would do such thing. This was not the first time K took our friendship for granted, but this was definitely the last straw that I could take. Normally if a friendship turns sour like this, I will just let it be and keep silence. Besides WL, I hardly will tell anyone the detail. I just see no point heralding a failed friendship. And there is always a possibility of "hurting someone" by doing that. So I would try to avoid the topic of K when someone asked about him. Actually, TS called me not long after I left K's place. TS was the only witness of the whole saga. He called trying to see if I was angry and upset. As my usual self, I didn't want to talk about it. I just tried to deviate from the topic and ended our conversation. I don't even mention anything to TS till now even though we are very close friend. With the same principle, I avoided the topic of K with quite a few mutual friends till now. I normally just like to let the person disappear from my life if the relationship doesn't work out. I don't like to lead a quarrelsome life.
However I avoided the topic, related query still find its way to me. J asked me two days ago what happened between K and me. As my usual self, I didn't want to reveal anything. He told me that he heard from a friend about my fall off with K. K told the friend that "I touched his computer and he asked me not to, then I got angry with him pettily".
Wow.... I was speechless. I can never understand why someone can take a friend of more than ten years for granted till such an extend.
This again is a solid validation of my moto!!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Frozen Flower - The King way of love
M suggested to watch a Korean movie "Frozen Flower" on my 2nd day in BKK. Oops, I have to use film as M considers himself a British now and British says film.
I don't like the movie actually. To be exact, I don't like the plot of the movie. I guess the main reason is that I quite like the first part of the movie but the second part is too out of my taste. The story developed in the first part matches my idea of love and relationship, however, I don't agree to dramatize the king's madness to the extent of so bloody a outcome even after the king is betrayed by his love due to his selfish motive of protecting his own interest. I felt quite heavy after the movie. M did't like the movie either as he felt the movie portrayed gay love negatively. We both agree that love shouldn't be so bloody. Everyone has to learn how to let go at certain point of time. I told M that the outcome of the movie might still be rationale due to the power of the king. A king has too mighty a power. If a person with so mighty a power can't manage himself when he is confronted with situation, disaster can happen. Unlike a common person like us, it is easier for us to let go when we are confronted with situation as that may be the only choice.
We later talked about our idea of love when we had dinner at Greyhound restaurant in Paragon. M said that he only cares about whether he loves a person rather than if the person loves him. This is because he can't handle the situation when he will to find out the person actually doesn't love him as he always think so. Therefore, he can survive in a relationship when he loves the person but the person may not love him. We talked about his relationship with Clive. We have a discussion on whether there is love for Clive. He thinks that he doesn't love Clive as he has decided not to be in a relationship with him. He equated love with relationship and he thought maybe he only loved himself the most. I told him love doesn't necessary result in a relationship. I feel that he still loves Clive but he now realises that Clive is not the person to be with in a relationship.
We talked about my ex. He later realised that he doesn't even know the reason of our parting. I told him I don't believe in heralding the story of a failed love. I don't see a need to go around talking bad about the person I once loved. And this applies to friendship as well. I don't normally explain to others when my friendship with someone turns sour. Many friends have voiced their view of staying as a friend after a failed relationship. I also don't agree with this rationale. I don't understand how one, who can't treasure the love when in a relationship, can treasure the friendship later. I always think life shound't be so quarrelsome, two persons should choose to be together to complement and grow rather than destroying each other when in a relationship. If that can't be done, then life should proceed better without the other party in his life.
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